I hate the poxy tabloids – rubbish red-tops – lazy bloody journos the lot of ‘em. Full of made up bollocks and sensationalism. But I hate poxy ad men more. Those jumped up little cretins in their designer red rimmed glasses and snazzy braces (see we can stereotype too wankers!) sitting in their shabby little offices, scrapping the barrell to come up with yet another  hackneyed excuse for an ad campaign.

Step forward the tossers who came up with this garbage for Suzuki – you know who you are… and what’s more so do I! This ad campaign is running currently in the Scum and other red top tabloids.

You can just imagine it can’t you…

…it’s friday afternoon – they’re up against a deadline (who cares, life goes on etc) and they’ve just got back from the poncy wine bar …

‘Oh Nigel we need to get this campaign wrapped up before we nip off to pick up the charlie from wossisname’,

‘Ooh I know Colin, lets brainstorm this one and get some lines racked up’.

Seconds pass by… tick, tick, tick…

‘Oooh I’ve got it Nig!’,

‘Go for it Colin!’….

‘You know how tattooists can’t spell right?’,

‘Really Colin, is that true?’,

‘Oh who cares, everyone know they’re all thick, that’s why they just draw on people for a living, so no-one will care, it’ll be a laugh!’,

‘Ok Colin, hit me with it…’,

‘Well Nig, we’ll have a model bloke who looks like a tattooist a bit, but hasn’t got any tattoos right, but we can draw some on, no-one will notice…, and he’ll be doing a tattoo right, on this big blokes back, and… here’s the sell right… he’s spelt the tattoo wrong! It’ll be wicked, we’ll get the campaign finished, and we can get down and sort the charlie right!’.

‘Ooh Nig you’re a bloody creative genius you are!’

‘Sorted!’

Well that’s what I imagine happened in the Suzuki ad men’s shabby office anyway – because if they had any brain they’d find that we tattoo artists aren’t thick – I have an National Diploma in Art & Design thanks – we can actually write and spell too. Some of us get together regularly to make the tattoo world a safer and better place for the rest of you, lobbying parliament, holding educational seminars for environmental health officers and taking on the big boys…

Besides which tattooists in the modern world use computers for lettering design and have ‘spell checkers’!

So to you sorry ad twats at Suzuki – absolutely NO ‘RESPLECT’ you cocks. Next time you want to stereotype an art that takes a lot of hard work and pure skill to do well, pick on something else…  maybe advertising eh? Doh! that’s not an art, unless it’s the art of bullshit of course!

Oh shit, better make a… wait for it…. ‘Swift Exit!’

Lame doesn’t even come close…